Wow, how time flies when you’re having fun. It has been just over a year now since I began my adventures in swinging, as you can see from my posts the first few months were super intense, I was having more meets and sexual encounters than I knew what to do with (well, almost). That calmed down a lot in february when I moved into my new flat and I focussed my time on my two main fuck buddies and the odd trip to clubs here and there.
Again this calmed down even further at the end of July when I moved home again, closer to my kids and I decided to spend more time trying to build a relationship with M.
If you don’t know our history, here it is in brief:
This is taken from my original fuck buddy v1 post dated 19/11/11
when I got home, M and I exchanged a series of texts.
She told me that she had to take a break from me, she needed time to assess things. Initially I thought it was because I had cut our meet short but after a few more texts she eventually told me that she was getting attached and had feelings for me beyond just FBs.
Wow, not expecting that. So I had to respond.
I told her that if things were to progress she would have to accept my lifestyle, that I would continue having sex with others, that I would still be going to the club, I would not live with her, well not at first, and that if she wanted to try it she could but I would not change for her.
This is taken from from my next post about her on 30/12/11
Seeing her again and I was instantly in the mood to play. We got to mine and we talked for a good 20 minutes as she explained how she was wrong to expect anything more than sex from me as it really wasn’t possible and I explained that I actually felt I wanted more than just sex but I know it’s not possible either. She was, with hindsight, glad we had the break so she could put things into perspective. I was, with hindsight, gutted as I felt I had lost someone very important to me.
When I broached the subject of sex, as it was not something I had planned for but now hoped for, M was happy to play providing she was given the title of chief fuck buddy.
Taken from 18/1/12
M, my chief fuck buddy and I, have had our ups and downs (literally) since then but the other day I got a text from her saying she thinks she might be in love with me. And rather than panic, run away feelings, I actually felt happiness.
Taken from 2/5/12
I’ve been getting my new flat sorted out and in a relationship with M, my former fuck buddy turned girlfriend, unfortunately now turned ex for both.
I won’t talk about what happened or reasons why we ended on here other than to say it wasn’t going in the direction I wanted it to so it was better for both of us to walk away.
Am I coping? Well, I’m a bit gutted to be honest as I had started to fall in love with M but I’ll cope. I’ll find something else to occupy my time.
Taken from 03/06/12
Well call me a glutton for punishment but as you may have read, dotted about here and there throughout my blog I refer to M, my long standing fuck buddy, whom I tried a relationship with. Our relationship did not work unfortunately, however since we called it a day, there has been such a strong magnetic like pull towards each other. We tried the no contact approach but it didn’t last and we couldn’t stop. We tried the let’s be friends approach but again the intense sexual chemistry between us when we met was just to much.
As for where we stand with each i refer you back to my fuck buddy v1 post and simply say que sera sera
Ok so now you’re up to date other than to say since June things have been going really well, we’ve been seeing each other more and more, my new house is a lot closer to her and she even has a key so she can come and go as she pleases (obviously with prior agreement).
This last week though something has changed, I’ve felt M has been acting differently towards me, the tone of her texts have changed and something just isn’t sitting right.
Well after having a lengthy discussion with M at the weekend, even though things have been going well it would appear that a relationship is really not on the cards at this stage, and while that is the case I’m faced with a dilemma.
Do I sit patiently as her fuck buddy? spend 6 nights a week on my own in my new home and spend 1 night a week with her, hoping that one day a miracle happens and she decides she will commit to me. This is what she wants and has told me that much as she would like to commit, it’s unlikely this will happen at any time soon.
Do I decide to move on, try to put my feelings aside, reactivate my account on fab, get back into the scene and if she wants to continue to see me on our 1 night a week then that is fine but that is all it is.
All of my friends are saying I should do the latter and if she chooses not to carry on with out weekly meet then I should move on, they on confident that I can move on, meet someone and be happy.
I always like to make my decisions based on the rocking chair test, not sure if I’ve covered this before on here, basically I imagine myself sitting on a porch, over looking a prairie when I’m old and grey (ok older and greyer)and I sit and look back on my life. I try to make my decision on whether what I’m about to do will give me a happy memory, something I will enjoy and will put a smile on my old wrinkly face or whether I will sit there regretting it and wishing I’d made another choice.
Usually I will know pretty much straight away what choice to make, the problem is with this one, I really don’t know.